Big Papi took steroids. Who would have thunk it? Actually I did. I wrote about it a few months back. But I couldn't be happier. The best part is Big Papi has actually been quoted as saying that anyone caught doing steroids should sit out 1 year. Alright David, put your money where your mouth is. You've been caught, sit out a year.
While we're at it, everyone wants the record books changed due to steroids. How about we take back the Red Sox world series titles. They were won with steroids.
Also how great would it be to find out that Curt Shilling took steroids.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Anoka County Fair
Let me paint a little picture in your mind. Think of a person. This person has thin, raspy, greasy hair. The hair isn't consistent, you could describe it as patchy at best. Their skin is neither tan nor pale, it is simply dirty. This person hasn't seen a dentist since Reagan was in office. They all own toothbrush's simply to brush their lone tooth. You're probably thinking about a carny right now aren't you. You are very close. Except I know of a place where the carny's are upper class. They outclass, outdress, and can simply outsmart the customers. The place I'm talking about is the Anoka County Fair.
The slogan should be "The Anoka County Fair, this is where evolution stopped." I have lived in Anoka County my entire life minus one year living in Duluth. But these people aren't my neighbors, my friends, and I don't think they're even my species.
Here is the problem with the Anoka County Fair. It just doesn't know where it belongs. I'm sure all of the other County Fairs have their pros, and cons. But Anoka county is different. We have a very diverse demographic. We have actual working farms in the northern part of the county, and working girls, and murders in the southern part of the county. We have upper class, and lower low class. We have black, white, Asian, and dirty. So mix all of that up and what comes out? The Anoka County fair.
If you have been there you know what I'm talking about. If you've never been, good, don't go. If you live in Minnesota and want to see where our tax dollars are going, and a tractor pull in the same night. Stop on by the Anoka County Fair!
The slogan should be "The Anoka County Fair, this is where evolution stopped." I have lived in Anoka County my entire life minus one year living in Duluth. But these people aren't my neighbors, my friends, and I don't think they're even my species.
Here is the problem with the Anoka County Fair. It just doesn't know where it belongs. I'm sure all of the other County Fairs have their pros, and cons. But Anoka county is different. We have a very diverse demographic. We have actual working farms in the northern part of the county, and working girls, and murders in the southern part of the county. We have upper class, and lower low class. We have black, white, Asian, and dirty. So mix all of that up and what comes out? The Anoka County fair.
If you have been there you know what I'm talking about. If you've never been, good, don't go. If you live in Minnesota and want to see where our tax dollars are going, and a tractor pull in the same night. Stop on by the Anoka County Fair!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
MN Twins
Someone should tell the Twins that Nick Punto, and Glen Perkins don't always need to see a medical specialist every time they struggle. They aren't hurt, they're just not any good. I'm so happy that Glen Perkins is from Minnesota. Thanks for being born here, now please go play for the Saints. Nick Punto you should be put in jail for the felony you've committed. Stealing all that money from the twins.
Twins GM Bill Smith needs to do something here prior to the trade deadline. If he doesn't he should be fired. Let's look back and see what ol Billy has done. He's the one who let Tori Hunter leave via free agency. I agreed with him at the time. But look at Tori Hunter now. The thing is, it is Billy Smith's job to predict that kind of thing, not mine. He traded Matt Garza, and Jason Bartlett for Delmon Young. He also traded Johan Santana to the Mets for a collection of shit. If he would have done nothing but sign the players we already had. This is what our lineup would be today.
Denard Span
Jason Bartlett
Joe Mauer
Justin Morneau
Tori Hunter
Jason Kubel
Michael Cuddyer
Brian Buscher
Alexi Casilla
That lineup 1-7 would be as good as any lineup in the bigs. Also let's look at the pitching staff we would have had.
Johan Santana
Matt Garza
Scott Baker
Frank Liriano
Nick Blackburn
That would leave Slowey and Perkins in the bullpen. Think of how good our team would be. Obviously hindsight is 20/20. But I am wondering if Bill Smith is trying to make the twins better or worse.
So he's got a 6 month window in my book to make things right. He has to handle the Joe Mauer contract. He also has to find a way to get a deal done, to turn the twin from pretenders to contenders. Take a risk, trade away a prospect. Think world series not division. Think this year not next year. The twins are close, so it wouldn't take much. And please stop putting Glen Perkins on the damn mound!
Twins GM Bill Smith needs to do something here prior to the trade deadline. If he doesn't he should be fired. Let's look back and see what ol Billy has done. He's the one who let Tori Hunter leave via free agency. I agreed with him at the time. But look at Tori Hunter now. The thing is, it is Billy Smith's job to predict that kind of thing, not mine. He traded Matt Garza, and Jason Bartlett for Delmon Young. He also traded Johan Santana to the Mets for a collection of shit. If he would have done nothing but sign the players we already had. This is what our lineup would be today.
Denard Span
Jason Bartlett
Joe Mauer
Justin Morneau
Tori Hunter
Jason Kubel
Michael Cuddyer
Brian Buscher
Alexi Casilla
That lineup 1-7 would be as good as any lineup in the bigs. Also let's look at the pitching staff we would have had.
Johan Santana
Matt Garza
Scott Baker
Frank Liriano
Nick Blackburn
That would leave Slowey and Perkins in the bullpen. Think of how good our team would be. Obviously hindsight is 20/20. But I am wondering if Bill Smith is trying to make the twins better or worse.
So he's got a 6 month window in my book to make things right. He has to handle the Joe Mauer contract. He also has to find a way to get a deal done, to turn the twin from pretenders to contenders. Take a risk, trade away a prospect. Think world series not division. Think this year not next year. The twins are close, so it wouldn't take much. And please stop putting Glen Perkins on the damn mound!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
What a weird Hday???
Ask yourself this question. What is the weirdest thing you can imagine yourself doing in an hour from now. If I would have asked myself that same question last Wednesday I wouldn't have been even close to guessing something as crazy as what actually happened.
I'm sitting at my desk around 11:15, pondering whether lineup for my fantasy baseball team. Suddenly I get a phone call, and the guy on the other end asks, "Teem do you still want to go to runch?" I forgot that I had agreed to lunch with this little Hmong man over a week ago, to discuss us hosting his golf tournament. So he tells me he'll pick me up in a half an hour.
So I get in the car with this man who I've met for 30 seconds of my life. I ask him where we are going to lunch, maybe Buffalo Wild Wings, Ruby Tuesday, or somewhere near the river? He replies with, "I'm gonna take you somewhere you never beeen." So now I'm frightened, worried, and wondering why his wife, who's sitting in the back seat never talks. So we are heading farther and farther away from my work, when he hopes on the interstate. So now crazy things are going through my mind. He exits in St. Paul and proceeds to Hmong Town.
Now I have to admit this was a place I never intended or planned on visiting in my life. So he pulls in and the first stop is the Hmong farmers market. There are hundreds of people here and every single on of them is Hmong. I am literally the only white person there. Which also means I was the tallest person there. I thought that for first time in my life I was the best basketball player out of a group. So now I'm walking around as a not only a minority, but the only minority. So we're walking around eating things I've never seen before. Some things are good, some things are bad, some things are just leaves. We walk into the market section of Hmong town. The temperature was just a shade cooler than the surface of the sun. I asked why they didn't have air conditioners, and he replied, "Teem if we would have want aer conditiona we would go to wawmat, or target." I saw Hmong clothing, movies, cd's, etc. It was basically just like any other mall, except it was 150 degrees and nobody was over 5 feet tall. So we make out way to the food court.
The food court was our next stop. Having worked with food quite a bit, and having my food handlers license. I can say with the utmost certainty that the health inspector does not frequent Hmong town. So we sit at a table, and join a couple of men who are already there. They are very friendly and polite. We are then joined by a person described to me as General Pow's son. I am told that he is basically the son the man who negotiated the Hmong out of Laos into Thailand, and then eventually into America. So he is a dignitary to say the least. He has bodyguards with ear pieces, so he must be a big deal. Food is being brought to us by the wife of one of the men. We begin with Egg Rolls which are really good. While I'm eating a delicious egg roll, a giant vat of rice is set in the middle of the table. One man begins to dig his hands into the rice and eat with his hands. I think to myself that this man is very rude. I pick up my fork and am about to dig scoop some out when I hear, "You not need fork here, you use hands." So a quick debate breaks out in my head. Do I look rude and continue to use my "American" fork, or do I dig my hand in there. The same hand that I pissed with earlier and didn't wash my hands. The same hand that had at some point earlier counted filthy cash. This would potentially make everyone in the group violently sick. After about 3 seconds I dug my piss covered germ hands in there, and starting scooping out rice. After a few more dishes, like pork and sausage, I was told we were getting a delicacy. Out comes 5 bowls of soup for us all. The bowls barely touched the table top, and the guys were digging in. It was the first time that some of them had used silverware. I am looking at it, wondering what it is. As I'm about to take my first bite, I am told it is intestine soup. I've never seen an intestine, but I was pretty accurate on what I kind of thought an intestine would look like. I don't know what it was the intestine too, maybe a pig??? Whatever it was it was terrible. So I ate about a half dozen or so bites, and called lunch over. The meal itself was fine. But I had never eaten so many things that I didn't know what they were.
After lunch we cruised out the market a little bit more, and he explained the Hmong culture to me. His wife was with the entire time, and I had yet to hear her speak. We finally leave and head back to work. The people were very polite, and very friendly. But this was one of the oddest, and strangest things I've ever done. I was not prepping myself for a cultural experience. I was not mentally prepared to be a minority that day. After 2 1/2 hours I was ready to be back in my world. The man ended up booking a golf tournament. So It all worked out in the long run. I finally was coming out of culture shock, and then I remembered I'd most likely do it all again when I went to Sams Club.
I'm sitting at my desk around 11:15, pondering whether lineup for my fantasy baseball team. Suddenly I get a phone call, and the guy on the other end asks, "Teem do you still want to go to runch?" I forgot that I had agreed to lunch with this little Hmong man over a week ago, to discuss us hosting his golf tournament. So he tells me he'll pick me up in a half an hour.
So I get in the car with this man who I've met for 30 seconds of my life. I ask him where we are going to lunch, maybe Buffalo Wild Wings, Ruby Tuesday, or somewhere near the river? He replies with, "I'm gonna take you somewhere you never beeen." So now I'm frightened, worried, and wondering why his wife, who's sitting in the back seat never talks. So we are heading farther and farther away from my work, when he hopes on the interstate. So now crazy things are going through my mind. He exits in St. Paul and proceeds to Hmong Town.
Now I have to admit this was a place I never intended or planned on visiting in my life. So he pulls in and the first stop is the Hmong farmers market. There are hundreds of people here and every single on of them is Hmong. I am literally the only white person there. Which also means I was the tallest person there. I thought that for first time in my life I was the best basketball player out of a group. So now I'm walking around as a not only a minority, but the only minority. So we're walking around eating things I've never seen before. Some things are good, some things are bad, some things are just leaves. We walk into the market section of Hmong town. The temperature was just a shade cooler than the surface of the sun. I asked why they didn't have air conditioners, and he replied, "Teem if we would have want aer conditiona we would go to wawmat, or target." I saw Hmong clothing, movies, cd's, etc. It was basically just like any other mall, except it was 150 degrees and nobody was over 5 feet tall. So we make out way to the food court.
The food court was our next stop. Having worked with food quite a bit, and having my food handlers license. I can say with the utmost certainty that the health inspector does not frequent Hmong town. So we sit at a table, and join a couple of men who are already there. They are very friendly and polite. We are then joined by a person described to me as General Pow's son. I am told that he is basically the son the man who negotiated the Hmong out of Laos into Thailand, and then eventually into America. So he is a dignitary to say the least. He has bodyguards with ear pieces, so he must be a big deal. Food is being brought to us by the wife of one of the men. We begin with Egg Rolls which are really good. While I'm eating a delicious egg roll, a giant vat of rice is set in the middle of the table. One man begins to dig his hands into the rice and eat with his hands. I think to myself that this man is very rude. I pick up my fork and am about to dig scoop some out when I hear, "You not need fork here, you use hands." So a quick debate breaks out in my head. Do I look rude and continue to use my "American" fork, or do I dig my hand in there. The same hand that I pissed with earlier and didn't wash my hands. The same hand that had at some point earlier counted filthy cash. This would potentially make everyone in the group violently sick. After about 3 seconds I dug my piss covered germ hands in there, and starting scooping out rice. After a few more dishes, like pork and sausage, I was told we were getting a delicacy. Out comes 5 bowls of soup for us all. The bowls barely touched the table top, and the guys were digging in. It was the first time that some of them had used silverware. I am looking at it, wondering what it is. As I'm about to take my first bite, I am told it is intestine soup. I've never seen an intestine, but I was pretty accurate on what I kind of thought an intestine would look like. I don't know what it was the intestine too, maybe a pig??? Whatever it was it was terrible. So I ate about a half dozen or so bites, and called lunch over. The meal itself was fine. But I had never eaten so many things that I didn't know what they were.
After lunch we cruised out the market a little bit more, and he explained the Hmong culture to me. His wife was with the entire time, and I had yet to hear her speak. We finally leave and head back to work. The people were very polite, and very friendly. But this was one of the oddest, and strangest things I've ever done. I was not prepping myself for a cultural experience. I was not mentally prepared to be a minority that day. After 2 1/2 hours I was ready to be back in my world. The man ended up booking a golf tournament. So It all worked out in the long run. I finally was coming out of culture shock, and then I remembered I'd most likely do it all again when I went to Sams Club.
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