Animal Attacks

It is very sad to hear about that lady who was mauled by the monkey last week. It is a very sad and unfortunate incident. But I want to talk about this a little bit.
Now I want to preface this by saying that I do not wish any harm or pain on anyone but what do they expect? In the case of this woman she was working with a trained monkey. In the case of Roy Horn of Siegfried and Roy fame was working with a trained Tiger. What does it mean for a monkey and tiger to be trained? Whose fault is it? Whose fault is it when a Rottweiler or any other dog attacks a human? What do these people expect?
These animals didn't go to an audition or sign up to be a tiger in a Las Vegas magic show, or an acting monkey, or a pet. These are animals. They signed up to be animals. I'm sure that monkey would rather be flinging poo, and hanging from trees in Africa. But us humans want to put the monkey in Old Navy commercials so we can sell more jeans. I would be willing to bet that, Roy Horn's tiger would rather be hunting elephants and gazelles and sleeping in the jungle all day. But we would rather see that Tiger doing magic tricks for our entertainment purposes. So why do we find it so wrong that these animals act like animals. The tiger acted like a tiger and the monkey acted like a monkey. I'm sure there are many other attacks each year throughout the world. But these are the ones that come to mind. Now I'm not some big animal activist, but I do not like hearing that these monkeys and tiger needed to be killed because they acted like monkeys and tigers. I'm not sure what to do with these dog breeds that kill and injure humans. But I for one would never own one. I can't believe these morons that put their family and friends in danger because they want a big scary dog. You hear about these idiots that own tigers and lions and other exotic pets. Why don't we just let the animals be animals?
What Michael Vick did was a terrible crime in some peoples eyes. But what is worse letting dogs fight against other dogs? Eating dogs, like they do in some parts of the world? Or letting one of these dogs rip the face off of one of your neighbors? We say it's all right to eat some animals like cows, and pigs. We love watching some animals fight in the wild, like lions and crocs and other wild animals. Some people own rottweilers as protection, asking them to maul or Mame if someone were to come onto our junkyard. We use German Sheppard to fight crime. So who's in charge of the animals, and who gets to decide what we can and can't do with each species?
Let's go with the religious belief here for a moment. God put animals on earth along with us to co-habitate. We were doing fine for nearly 2000 years until we decided that we needed these animals for our own personal entertainment or actors in commercials. And now that these animals are doing what they've done for 2000 years, act like animals. We're going to kill them for it. We have states that don't have the death penalty. But as soon as a monkey or tiger acts like a monkey or tiger we kill it. But go ahead rape and murder a child in Minnesota and we'll feed you and shelter you for the rest of your life.
Let's go with the evolutionary belief now. So that belief says that every species evolves and adapts with time. So over time we should expect these Tigers to get sick of letting some magician put his head in the tigers mouth. But when the tiger acts like a tiger we kill it. What if a group of dogs eventually became organized to take a human as a pet, what would we do?
Like I said before it is sad to hear that someone lost their eyes, nose, hair, and fingers. It is definitely not deserved, but is it unexpected? I'll continue to eat beef and pork and go to the zoo. But I'll never own or train an animal whose first instinct is to hunt, kill, and harm. And for those who do own or train one of these animals, they should be fully aware of what can and often times does happen.

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, Tiger Woods Y'all

So they greatest man alive is coming back tomorrow. I call him the greatest man alive for a few reasons.
A. He married a Swedish nanny. Google Elin Woods/Nordegren.
B. He has 2 healthy children.
c. He's estimated to be worth 757 million dollars, and he's only 34 years old.
d. He's better at something that almost every male wishes they were good at, GOLF!

The list goes on and on. The fact is he's 1 of the greatest athletes/competitors of all time, he married a beautiful super model, and he's one of the richest men on earth. So yes I consider him the greatest man alive. I think he is the one guy that every other guy would like to be.
He comes back tomorrow after knee surgery. Now in any other sport coming back from major knee surgery at the age of 34 would worry people. Add in the fact that his last tournament, the U.S. Open in 2008 was the most arguably the most entertaining golf tournament ever. That is almost as good as Happy Gilmore beating Shooter McGavin. So topping his last performance would be tough to beat.
So what are we to expect from Tiger Woods? Will he limp through the rest of this year, before regaining his top form in 2010? Will he still break Jack Nicklaus' records? I don't think you can ever count Tiger Woods out. I wouldn't be surprised if he won the next 3 tournaments he enters, and then wins the Masters, and U.S. Open. I mean what would it take to surprise anyone. If you're from Minnesota how nice would it be if Tiger were to win the first 3 majors this year. That would mean that not only is Tiger going for the Grand Slam but a win at Hazeltine in the PGA Championship would tie him with Jack Nicklaus with 18 majors, and then try to break it at Augusta.
Tiger Woods is the one athlete/event that never disappoints. We love our rivalries like Duke/NC and Yankees vs. Red Sox. We love the personal rivalries that get hyped up, Crosby and Ovechkin and Kobe vs. Lebron. But how often do these events live up to the hype? Tiger always lives up to the hype. It's true Tiger has never had a rival, but he is the rival of every other golfer who enters a tournament. Sure we know about Sergio, and Padraig, and Phil. But no one comes close to Tiger. We know he'll wear red on Sunday's. We know he'll make every clutch putt. We know if you hit it 320 down the middle of the fairway he'll hit it 325. He's the one man on earth who can literally say, "anything you can do, I can do better".

He is a living super hero.

Joaquin Phoenix

Watch this youtube video of Joaquin Phoenix. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXpYk7WGN5Y. Is he acting, on drugs, or just an prick?

RATS AND DRUGS!!!!!!

So Micheal Phelps smokes pot, A-rod does steroids. Everybody loves drugs. Let's look at each guy and think out loud.

Micheal Phelps has won what 14 gold medals. He's been in 2 Olympics and is training for a 3rd. He's 23 years old and is making 8 figures. So he smoked pot. Who cares. He didn't sign up to be a role model, he signed up for swimming. Look at all of your friends, and how many of them haven't smoked pot. How many of these journalists who are ripping him have smoked pot? He wasn't hurting anybody, and he didn't intend for it to become public. I mean seriously how big of a douche bag was the guy who turned in the photo. Why hasn't anyone asked about this rat. Does Michael Phelps have to be treated like an absolute criminal? I don't even think it needs to be looked at as a mistake, but just something we've all seen hundreds of times at college party's. I think if each parent had a choice of having on of the greatest athletes of all time, who's made enough money to never have to work, but the kicker is they smoked pot at a college party what parent wouldn't take that. So I'm sick of all these hypocrites ripping him a part. I've got friends who smoke pot who've accomplished a lot less. I know he's in the public eye. I get it but let's also remember he's a 23 year old swimmer, who was at a college party.

A-Rod, I think it's safe to assume no one was surprised by this. After I found out that Juan Rincon tested positive for steroids that changed things for me. I learned that you didn't have to hit home runs or have bulging bodies. Everybody is under suspicion that played in the steroids era. What about Randy Johnson, Greg Maddux, Tori Hunter, Albert Pujols, Ken Griffey Jr., Curt Shilling? How do we know that these guys didn't. Is it because we think that they are nice guys and wouldn't do that? Randy Johnson and Greg Maddux had extremely long durable careers, much longer than most. Tori Hunter was the fastest fielder and didn't mind running into anything. Pujols and Griffey have put up nonhuman numbers. Shilling got better as he got older, that isn't supposed to happen. My point is who cares anymore. We could possibly have a hall of fame that doesn't have the all time hits leader, all time home run leader, single season home run leader, or Roger Clemens who might be the best pitcher of all time. So who really cares? Let them all in, or let nobody in. But let's get past this. Let's all assume that it was an even playing field because they were all on steroids.

I think I have a bigger problem with all the rats out there. When I was younger I worked at the Super Rink, and had a co-worker who said ackwardly to me in an elevator, "I hate rats." He later went to jail for drugs, but he's right. How come no one can mind there own damn business. I don't care whether you're at a college party, you're a teammate, a clubhouse guy, or a journalist. Can't you just mind your own business? I know it's a journalists job to report, but you didn't read about Mickey Mantle's infedelity's in the New York Post backpage, or anybody's elses private lives. What's worse how much these modern athletes feed us gossip or how starved we are that we consume it all. These are still 18-40 year old men, and money isn't an issue, and girls love them. How much trouble would we all be in if we could afford all of our vices, and we could actually pick up girls. I'd be on my 5th liver that's for sure. But aside from all of that we don't have people ratting on us all the time. I'm glad that no one has ever showed a picture from a college party I've attended to my parents much less the entire world. I'm glad that no one has had it out for me so much that they've revealed 1 confidential test result out of 104 just to turn me in. If it wasn't for rats we wouldn't have a problem with Bonds, A-Rod, Clemens, or Phelps. It's funny how mocked and ridiculed the biggest rat of all Jose Canseco was when he first came out with a big claiming all of these guys took steriods. One by one they denied it, but now one by one he's being proven right. If Canseco never writes that book, none of this stuff would have probably ever came out. Now everyone's trying to cover their own ass. You know what Chris was right in that elevator though, I too hate rats.

Tooting their own horn

I'm sure most of you have received emails similar to the one below. So read this one and then read what I have to say after it.

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's!! First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. T hen after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no child-proof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because, WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street-lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day.And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers!, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had try outs and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good . While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

If you've read my blog before you realize the respect that I do have for the past generations, and how weak our society is today. But let's stop and think about this email and the people that are patting themselves on the back for being so tough.

These people who were born in the 70's, 60's, 50's, and 40's are the same people who invented child proof bottles. Made laws so that kids have to wear bike helmets. Make laws so that hockey coaches have to wear helmets. Put up nets behind the goals in hockey rinks. Invented cell phones and bought them for their kids so that they can check in every couple of hours. Invented GPS technology for cell phones so that you can track your children. Purchased Nintedos, Playstaions, and X-Box's for their children. These parents are the people who told all of their kids they can be anything they want to be, they are special, and if you meet a bully, tell on them. These parents are the lawmakers that made the drinking age 21 instead of 18. They made it illegal to ride in the back of pickup trucks. These generations were the greedy people that needed to come up with 150 channels instead of 10. These are the parents that need an FBI bio on each friend, before they can hang out with them. They are the parents who thought not keeping score at competitions was a good idea. They are the parents who sued the coaches and schools when their kid didn't make the team. Those generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever, but they've also produced some of the biggest pussies too! They had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and they learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! Now that they are in a position of power they've forgotten all of this. They've taught us WE DON'T NEED TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! Nothings ever our fault, it's gotta be someone else. They are the pedophiles and perverts out there that they didn't have to worry about when they were kids. You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government officials who were all born in the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's regulated so much of our lives. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it? But I'm sure that's against the law now too.