You've got to be kidding me

I was trying to eat lunch today and surf the ESPN website. When I came across Rick Reilly's article on Little League. The first part of the story is about a women named Jean Gonzalez from Staten Island. She sued just about everyone when her son slid into second base and got hurt. Read the story, and if you're not angry than you are just as bad.
Now it's not entirely the kids fault. So I don't really have an issue with him. Since he can't choose who his mother is. But I imagine that this kid will be a virgin late into his 20's and he'll end up experimenting with guys.
But let's talk about his mother. This lady deserves a shovel to the face. She actually sued everyone from the coaches to the base manufacturers because her son got hurt sliding into the base. I have never seen a picture of this woman but I can guarantee that she is fat, and hideous. She might have a husband that she mentally abuses, and she got pregnant the one time they had sex. She has no friends to speak of, and has at least 3 cats that she includes in the family pictures. She can't look in the mirror and see anything wrong, although I bet if you talk to her parents she is their #1 mistake. I can't even type the things I want to happen to this women without sounding like a monster. I'll give you some clues; HIV, a rusty nail, glass shards, mosquitoes, a vice grip, 2 phone books, and a grill lighter.
So maybe I'm the idiot here, but I doubt it. But where do this woman get off doing that. She actually thinks that this is not her sons fault. This is exactly what is wrong with America. If "what is wrong with America" had a mascot it should be this bitch. The worst part is she actually received $125,000. So that means that somebody agreed with her. I really hope something bad happens to her. Like the day she received the settlement check, it would have been nice if God would have stricken down on her.

Brett Favre

Brett Favre is a Viking! I grew up despising, and hating this man. It was part hatred, part envy, and part jealousy. He was a packer. He was the enemy. Now he's ours. We get to cheer for him at Lambeau Field. #4 running out of the tunnel is our #4. Minnesota is a Vikings state. Brett Favre gives us our latest and greatest chance to finish the puzzle so many Vikings fans have miserably failed to finish. It's been tough in my generation, I can't imagine what it's like for those like my dad who have been there since the beginning. Four Super Bowls, four losses. For fans in my generation it's 1998, Denny Green taking a knee before halftime, and Gary Anderson missing for the first time. It's the 41-0 drubbing in the Meadowlands that sent us into a 8 year tailspin. We also had the loveboat.
All of that can be forgotten. I don't care that Favre broke the touchdown record in the dome. I don't care that he made Chris Hovan look like an absolute buffoon. I don't care that he lead the Packers to the Super Bowl twice, and won one. I don't care about any of that. That's in the past. We need to build new memories.
What will they be like? I am an admitted Viking optimist. I have predicted 14-2 season's since I can remember. That's changing now. I looked at the schedule, and to be honest with you, I can't find 2 losses. Now I'm not an idiot, the Vikings won't go undefeated. They're gonna have to rest players after they wrap up home field throughout. The Vikings have a great team. It's balanced, with big play potential. If Adrian Peterson rushes for 1500 yards, I'll assume he'll be hurt for 2 games. I think Percy Harvin is going to burst on the scene like another troubled receiver we took a chance on. I think that you might know who I'm talking about. He's currently wearing number 81 for the Patriots. Harvin won't put up Moss like numbers, but you better keep track of him. Our defensive line is second to none, and the linebacker's have a chance to be really good.
But let's get back to Brett Favre. I hope that Madden comes back for the Monday night game. I want to hear him say BrettFavre over and over, and know he's talking about our #4. I wish I could be there when Brett Favre comes running out of the tunnel in green bay wearing purple. See the thing is that we might not have the championships or history that green bay has. But at least our unquestioned hero doesn't hate us. I want to meet all of those kids born in Wisconsin ranging in ages 3-16 named Brett, and tell them that they're named after a Viking quarterback.
This is as big a story as we get here in Minnesota. We crave attention. We had a helicopter following Brett Favre from the airport to Winter Park. We had 10,000 people watching Tiger practice golfing. We set attendance records at every marginal sporting event we get. We haven't had a home team to get really excited about for a while, until now. The Twins are done, and Timberwolves are in the middle of a 20 year rebuilding phase, and are drafting guys that won't even play in the NBA. And the self proclaimed state of hockey, has a team that is starting over after 8 mediocre years. So if you're a true sports fan like myself, now is the time to get excited. I'm not talking about you fake fans, that are only interested in sports so that the other guys you work with will talk to you. Want to know if you're a true fan, you need to be able to name 3 out of the following 5. Offensive or defensive coordinator, special team captain, 2009 second round draft pick, or the player who wore #4 before Brett Favre came to town. If you failed that test than pick a different bandwagon. Brett Favre is a gift to the real fans.
This is a lot to put on the shoulders of a soon to be 40 year old QB coming off of arm surgery. But we've been told forever that he's a gunslinger, he loves the game, and will win at any cost. So let's see him do it in purple.

Taming Tiger

For the last decade or so Tiger Woods has dominated his sport. So much to a degree that it's almost unparalleled. Sure there has been Lance Armstrong, Roger Federer, Michael Phelps, and a handful of others during the same time frame. But Lance retired, and then came back and didn't win. Michael Phelps is a swimmer, and Roger Federer ran into Rafeal Nadal. So that left Tiger as our unheralded hero. Until now.
Tiger was knocked off of his perch yesterday. Not by an injury this time, but by a South Korean named Y.E. Yang. Tiger didn't give this tournament away, he lost it. Y.E. Yang did what so many others before him couldn't do, he beat Tiger. We always here about how hard it is to play in that final group with Tiger Woods. It didn't seem hard for Yang yesterday. Not when he chipped in for Eagle, or when he hit a hybrid over a tree 10 feet from the pin on 18, when laying up, chipping on, and 2 putting would have won the tournament. Y.E. didn't let Tiger get in his head, he got in Tigers.
We've become accustomed to hearing the stats with Tiger. He is 12-0 when leading after the 2nd round of a major, he's 14-0 when leading after the 3rd round of a major. He's 54-0 career wise when going into the final round of any tournament with the lead. All of those things are over.
So what does this mean? We've become so used to him winning. I'm sure most of you watching were like me. You always thought Tiger was going to win yesterday. Even after he bogeyed 17. You thought he'd do something incredible. Even after Yang stuck his second shot on 18, 10 feet from the pin, and had a decent chance at birdie. You thought in your mind, that Tiger will chip in, and Yang will miss. We'll go to a playoff, and Tiger will dominate. That didn't happen. Tiger never made a putt, never had that signature shot that we've seen so often. Tiger choked. You can say what you want, but he went into the final round with a 2 shot lead, and lost by 3 strokes. He was outplayed on a Sunday in a major by a guy ranked somewhere in the 100's. So can Tiger still where his Sunday red? Or does he have to switch it up. Don't get me wrong Tiger could win the grand slam next year, and no one would be surprised. But as for now Tiger let us down. From this point forward every time he's leading we're going to have to remember Sunday at Hazeltine

The Fat Lady is Singing

The 2009 Minnesota Twins are done. After getting pounded by the Kansas City Royals, I am convinced of this. What a giant disappointment. We came into this year with hopes of not only winning the division but hopefully competing for a world series. What went wrong along the way?
We were worried about having room for all of our outfielders. Well if you put two of them in AAA where they belong, then we'd have an open spot. Yes Gomez is great at defense, but when you bat .230 and drive in 26 runs, then you better be winning gold gloves. I would have a hard time finding room for Delmon Young on my softball team. He has 233 at bats with 11, yes 11 extra base hits.
The Twins are moving into the new stadium next year with possibly the worst pitching staff in the American League. Let's think to 2010. Your ace is Scott Baker. That is your ace. If he was on the Tigers, he'd be a set up guy. Blackburn is decent and might end up being a good #2 or #3 pitcher on a good staff. Slowey improved this year, but now will be coming off of a season ending injury. Liriano is a shell of his former self. So unless he figures something out, his career is over. And hopefully nobody tells Perkins that the Twins are moving to the outdoor stadium. I'm sick of Perkins claiming he's injured every time he gets shelled. If Mauer is in the home run derby, next year, he should let Perkins pitch to him, and ask him to try.
The bullpen is an absolute joke with the exception of Nathan. Yes we'll get Neshek back, but he's coming off of major injury and wasn't exactly lights out when he left.
What this really comes down to is the Twins over evaluation of their talent. They overvalue their players and won't trade their so called prospects. Where are these prospects? They won't mortgage their future for a rent a player. What are they expecting? Are these prospects going to lead us to the playoffs next year. I'm done believing that every young player is going to get better. Casilla is a joke. Punto isn't even a major leaguer. Stop over valuing defense. Screw the defense. Where has defense gotten us. To the playoffs yes, winning a world series no. Billy Smith has made bad decision after bad decision. Where are the players we got for Johan Santana? We'd have been better off letting him play out the last year of his contract, just like he did with Tori Hunter. We traded prospects for Delmon Young, the problem was we traded the only good ones we had.
The bottom line is the Twins promised us that this kind of frugal, cheap, approach with the new stadium. So they better go out and find some pitching this off season, because it's too late for 2009. The Twins will finish .500 at best. My guess is 80-82 about 12 games out of first. We'll have to listen the them talk about injuries, and scheduling. Take some accountability and figure out Billy Smith.
If I were Joe Mauer, I'd be counting the days until I could leave this lousy team and play for teams like the Yankees or Red Sox, that expect to win the world series, not just hope to make the playoffs. Mauer you can sign a 10 year 200 million dollar contract. Come back here when you're 37ish, and move to 3rd base. Then finish your career here, show us your 2 or 3 world series rings, and then retire a champion. If you stay here, you'll be on that list of best players to never win a championship. We'll love you either way. Follow Garnett, Ortiz, Santana, Hunter, Gaborik, and Moss, and go somewhere where winning is priority #1. And that isn't here, because this is Twins Territory.

Taco Sauce

What kind of red blooded American doesn't want taco sauce on their taco? They must be out there. Because unless you ask, Taco Bell and Taco Johns will not provide taco sauce. Today a few co-workers and I ordered 10 hard shell taco's. There wasn't a damn drop of taco sauce in there. This is ridiculous. They should start putting one packet of sauce in per item. If you don't want it, do the American thing waste it by just throwing it away.

Tiger Woods

What's it like to be Tiger Woods. I went to the practice round today for the PGA Championship and it is crazy. Tiger won a golf event yesterday, and had to of won close to if not a million dollars. For most golfers this would be a career defining moment. Tiger was teeing off at Hazeltine 14 hours later getting ready for the tournament that begins 4 days from now. He was the lone star there. No Phil, Sergio, Padraig (whom should be working on his short game right now, after his triple yesterday), Vijay, Retief, Ernie Els, Cink, and the list goes on and on. Now maybe some of them played this afternoon or are playing tonight. But I found it odd that Tiger was the first on off of the tee.

One of the reasons might be the people that follow him. It is unreal. I actually spent 40 minutes of my life today sitting on #16 waiting for him to come. Since he was the first one out, that meant 40 minutes of me watching the grass grow. But the funny part was that I wasn't the only one doing this. There had to be 5000+ watching grass grow. Just waiting for a glimpse of Tiger. He hit his drive into the fairway, hit his second shot pin high, about 15 feet from the pin. He never putted at the pin once. Steve Williams his caddy dropped about 4 balls, and he and the guys he was playing with (Bubba Watson, and Nick Watney) all putted to circles that were placed on the greens by they're caddies. They did this for about 5 minutes, and left. So 40 minutes of grass growing, for 10 minutes of screwing around. It was like this on every hole too. You could watch former winner Rich Beem with a group of less than 100. You could watch future champ Rory McIllroy with a group of less than 100. I'd imagine if you could watch this action from a plane or helicopter, it would look like ants moving around at a picnic.

I don't like teeing off from the first hole when there is another group watching. I can't imagine playing in front of thousands of people every time you pick up the sticks. I also think that if I won a million dollars yesterday afternoon, I'd take about the next 4 years off. But it says something about him, to see him first off the tee this morning. He definitely wants to win this one.